As fog fell over the Kashmir valley on that late night, she couldn’t help but notice that there was something more, something that is hiding behind the greyish fog. It was yet another night when she woke up with a nervous attack, her body sweating, her heart beating louder than the silence of the moonless night. Wolf howling in the forest near her house on the mouth of the fifth mountain of Shaarda, her hometown.
Her side table digital clock showed 3:02 am. There’s something strange with this time, she thought. She knew it was a curse that’s been following her ever since she has indulged herself in the Parkinson’s family murder case. The case was beyond the point to be solved. Nobody knew how a single child of eleven years, murdered the whole family and then himself. The thought of little William holding an axe in his left-hand haunts her. This case has suck all the marrow of happiness out of her life.
She got out of the bed and leafed through her side drawer searching for the only thing that has been her companion for this time of the night, that knows everything about this case, and her life, too. Her companion is ever so fluent in silence. She found her companion and moved to the window of her 1 room apartment.
The room was dark, she didn’t even bother turning on the light. She actually felt religious with all the lights off. She started liking all the demonic depressed vibe around her room. It makes her feel more at ease. But with the bright room, the demons always rush out of the room through the only window of her apartment. She bumped into the table and spilled her coffee but she walked all over it without wiping the drops of river from the carpet.
She saw her reflection scorning her through the window as she opened it. The smell of her room with the fog outside mixed up and gave her chills down the spine. Whenever she looked out of her window, she always got lost somewhere in those little houses along the Neelum river. She pulled out her companion of silence and lit it up. Watching the whole valley wake up gives her one of the greatest pleasures. How fast it goes into the dust just like the smoke of her cigarette.
She never knew what a single cigarette was capable of after she tried it. She always assumed a peculiar relation of a cigarette and her thoughts. As soon as she lit it up, she entered into another world of her thoughts, that she never knew existed, or they only exist when she light a cigarette and as soon as it becomes dust so does her world of thoughts. As she watched the smoke rising from her cigarette and after a moment becoming a part of the past, she wondered man is not that different form this cigarette which she’s holding in her hand, entwined within her fingers. Cigarette, after fulfilling its purpose has the same fate as man.
She can never take her eyes off the cigarette exhaling a golden greyish cloudy smoke. As sometime you see mystic clouds surrounding the sun and it creates a dome of dreamy light all over the earth. What she really saw in the smoke were words, beauty, poetry, love and life, the life breathing smoke. She put the death tight against her dry lips, knowing it won’t last long. The smoke rose in spiral layers, diffusing into the infinity. She could forget everything if she could just sleep. Everyone slept but her.
As she sucked hard, the heart-beat start to rise, she saw ecstatic layers of smoke, ever so excited for reuniting with their creator and finally leaving these rusted fingers, in the cage of her hands, just using it for pleasure and forgetfulness. As it breath its last, she wondered when it will be back to her lips, to torture her once again. It fell to the dusty ground and buried deep into its darkness. It had the answer of its death. And as she fell she realized, that is all a man’s worth; the dustless, filthy, lifeless smoke.
This entry was posted in poems and tagged A new Life each time, All alone smoking my last cigarette, Burn out cigarette butt in the ashtray, Hold on! I need another cigarette, Philosophy of a Cigarette, The First Flames, Trying to get my cigarette to light.