It was one of those cold February moonless night, light drizzle throbbing in the quite dark street with barely breathing light from the lamppost in the street. My day started even before I opened my eyes. I had the feeling that it was just before dawn when I saw her. I don’t remember her face but I remember her curves and edges quite vividly. I believe she was playing with me. She wanted me as much as I wanted her, maybe more. She understands very well that the anticipation makes the pleasure more intense. She wanted me to open my eyes so that she could look into my eyes. I just wanted to drink the wine from her eyes. She’s quite a romantic. She herself knew that she was just delaying the inevitable. She didn’t close the door on her way out of the dark and damp room. It felt as I woke up from a deep slumber she was standing in front of me. As she saw me opening my eyes she walked towards me in the dark room with a little bit of light coming from the small window on my left, near the head of my bed. I was lying on the left side of the bed, my usual spot, closest to the window. She came closer to me with a smile wearing on her lips. Her walk had a look of remembrance. All I could see was her lips in the little light, thin and natural. As she approached me, the lips grew wider. She leaned on me just enough that I could feel her warm scent on my lips. I inhaled deeply, cherishing every moment with my closed eyes. She put her left hand on the right side of my head on the white soft pillow, with her left knee brushing against my left leg covered by a white sheet which I probably would’ve taken it because of the cold but at that moment when I was feeling her breath on the top of my nose and lips, I was feeling anything but cold. She tilted her head to her right and just the top of her wet upper lip touched mine. My eyes closed themselves naturally but I could see her smile broadly. As I was about to raise my head to kiss her, she withdrew from me and ran to the door. I followed her with my eyes as she approached the door. Her thin body dancing in the air. She stopped, her whole back to me. She looked back at me with her right hand on the door. The intense light was coming from outside through the opened door. Strangely, not a speck of light was entering the room. It felt like the light was made only to beautify her and all I could see was the silhouette of her whole body with clear curves and edges. I could still feel her smile. Still looking back at me she advanced her right hand towards me and signaled with her four fingers, tilting her face to the side of the door to follow her. And then I realized that it was her own light that was calling me. She moved away leaving the door open for me. Just an inch of our lips touched and I felt two universes colliding.
It had started raining heavily, with rain banging on my window. I was still lying looking outside the window. The room smelled of dust and water, a mixture of two different things forming a one perfect being bringing the fragrance of a known body. I think the rain was rejoicing knowing that I’ve finally realized what I’ve been looking for everywhere. And I woke up. There is a smile on my lips, and it isn’t my own. I am still lying on my bed, on the left side of it, just like always, holding a deep conversation with my heart. Let’s see what surfaces from the depths of this sea, let’s see what color the blue-sky changes into, the heart said. I guess everyone close to me understands my dream. I touch the empty place beside me on the bed and it was still warm- a familiar warmness. My tears are banging on the door of my eyes. It is daybreak, and the world of nature is becoming more beautiful with my own tears. I still know nothing about her, not even her whereabouts. But now I know the biggest thing about her with which I could recognize her anywhere, because now I know my lover’s lips. I wouldn’t be anxious anymore, nor helpless because I have a great responsibility on my shoulder, someone not that far away waits for my lips too. Now you are a Lover, not the one who laments but the one who carries both worlds in his hands. The valley of love is a long way away, and yet, at times, the journey of a hundred years is covered in a sigh. It’s the same day, but a new morning, the heart whispered. I look out of the window and new life is born. Winter is over and songs of life have come out among the branches again. That night will come again, washed clean with the moonlight and we shall whisper again with the gestures of our eyes. In the ambiguous dark shade of her hair once again her beauty will adorn the night. I inhaled my room deeply which smelled of my dream and reality, and whispered, “I am coming…”
So, you’ve come again to scorn me
Haphazardly coloring with all the disgusted life
And depressing rainbow
Havoc black stallion tears filling the rainbow
Rising from the ground
Overwhelming the rainbow bit by bit, drop by drop
Zealously celebrating my birthday
I love you, and
I’m not sorry for that.
I’m sorry that your feelings are hurt,
I’m sorry that I broke your trust,
I’m sorry that my promises were null,
I’m sorry for all those tears that rolled down your warm dimpled cheeks,
I’m sorry that you’re lonely in amidst a crowded room,
I’m sorry that you had to walk this road alone,
I’m sorry that death set us apart,
I know that you’ll never be mine,
I know that we’ll never be together,
and this time I was the victim of the fate,
I’m sorry that this distance cannot be lessened,
I’m sorry for everything that I should be sorry for. But
I was born to love you, and you alone,
in this world, and the world hereafter; and
I’m not sorry
that I fall in love with you..
She ran here and there insanely, with her hair scattered, her cloths torn apart, her feet injured, her hands trembling. Darkness gradually began to surround her with the petals of the golden fire casting its last shadows, the hope of freedom coming to its end. All she could see was the gradual capture of sky by the haunting darkness. Black replacing blue, smiles replacing tears, light replacing labyrinth, joy replacing fear, warmth replacing coldness. She was lost, completely lost into such darkness which has no beginning or no end, where she was the lone survivor on the lonely boat of the wrecked ship in the entire sea.
She started running wildly, not knowing where she was headed, not fearing the unknown and the oblivion. Screaming as loudly as she can, she burst into tears, “someone, save me… is anyone out there?,” but all she heard in reply was the echo of her own voice coming back after striking the infinite of the infinity and yet coming back to let her know that the only thing left in misery and darkness is herself, alone, like she has fallen into a really deep well where only her echo came back to haunt her in the worst possible way. Fate was a beast coming her way and had already torn her apart. She cannot hear herself anymore. It’s so loud inside her head, and her thoughts are drowning her inside whole.
She gradually started to lose her breath, her heart beating ever slower, its pose gradually decreasing to an unimaginable extent. Was she about to die? Oh, such a pleasure she felt the moment she saw death, tracking her way like a dream, a beautiful dream coming to embrace her, to swallow her whole, an unpredicted and unexpected, to lend her a kiss of death, ever so slowly and ever so painful, so invisible and so unnoticed, a most loyal and faithful love.
Suddenly, the whispers of the wind brought something, something unknown to her, something she couldn’t perceive or felt because she hasn’t felt like that ever in her whole life, her cold hand being taken into a warm hand, an affectionate breath bringing her back to life, the frozen dead body filled with life. Wait, this wasn’t the pleasure of death yet it was a pleasure. In fact, it was much more than the pleasure, an extreme level of pleasure, an ecstasy, revival of one’s self, one’s whole self. It was a hurricane taking her away with its beautiful embrace, it was a wave in the ocean and she was the water flowing with it, it was the colors in her rainbow, it was the wetness in the rain, it was the smile of the new born baby, smell of sweet rose yet the thorns were sweeter, taking her, taking her whole, drowning her, chocking her into its arms. It was love.
The very moment she fell into the arms of someone, a kiss on her cold quivering lips, a hug so full of warmth that all the life reentered her body within the smallest of the fraction of moments. And there she was, in the hands of the love who didn’t let her die. There she was, hugged by the so full of life body that dragged her back to the world she was about to leave. There she was rescued by the kiss of love of her life, the two souls had finally connected after hundreds of years, or in fact had been together for hundreds of years in the infinity.
It felt like she was in the dark, and so was the love of her life. They both were running in the dark, and they both found each other. They both found each other in the dark. And they felt like, their whole life had been a lie, their whole life they had been feeling an empty void inside of them, which was never filled by anyone or anything because it wasn’t theirs to take. But as they found each other and as they looked each other in their eyes for the first time, they felt that the missing piece was being filled, that shallow gap being wounded, resurrected. They felt that they, somehow knew each other and had been together for hundreds of years, that they were with each other all this time, but somehow, separated in the dark, until the dark brought the two bodies together as one soul. A woven soul.
There is nothing in this world I’d like than
hug you and never let you go.
You came into my life
unnoticed and unannounced
and revealed your darkest secrets.
Sitting with you hours in Oval seemed like seconds.
I’d never thought I’d love someone
as much as I love you.
I want to be the rays of sunshine
that will enlighten your path.
I want to be the warm embrace
in your cold lonely nights.
I want to be fireworks
in your sad empty streets.
There is nothing in this world I’d like than
put a smile across your lips.
As I hold your face in my hands,
stared in your hazy eyes,
fog gathered around us
making everything blurry.
As it passes away
you vanished into the damp fog
slipping through my arms.
All I could hug was the missing soul
and all I could hold tight was the lonely night.